The thing about depression, is that society has taught us the wrong way to respond to it.
Society has conditioned us to respond in a "fix-it-Felix" manner, where we think we can fix it and restore balance to the world overnight. The truth is, this is not the way to handle this situation, no matter how much sense it makes to you. Depression cannot be fixed overnight, and should be dealt with under the direction of professionals. Even under their direction it takes time.
Before I had depression, trying to find the right words and actions to help the loved ones around me was difficult, awkward, and hopeless. More than anything I wanted to help. Now that I have depression I understand how to respond, based on experience and how my counselor has responded to me. These four tips will help you understand how to respond when you become aware of a loved ones struggle with depression.
1. Suggestions:
There is a time and place for suggestions. Sometimes we need them. Consider the fact that we might be seeing a professional about this. If not- that is a great suggestion to make. If we are and manage somehow to gather enough courage to tell you- we aren't looking for another counselor unless we ask you for your advice.
2. Be a good listener:
Just listen. We don't want you to upstage us with what could be worse- chances are we know, at least in my case. I know it could be raining, and that I am a lot better off than most people. Hearing more depressing experiences or stories than ours doesn't make us feel better, but actually makes us worse. Two negatives doesn't always equal a positive in the depression world.
3. Include us:
Don't be afraid to include us, most of the time we feel alienated- and we tend to do that to ourselves. Sometimes we need someone to pull us out of our self induced world implosion, by taking the focus off ourselves and onto something else. Even if we don't accept an offer to go and do something fun, just the mere thought of someone thinking about us helps.
4. Validation:
Facing reality is important to us. We know we are depressed, so trying to ignore it won't help. We want validation. We want to have the fact that life sucks for us right now acknowledged. Some might sugar coat it but the truth is it's not fun and we can't just get over it. We need to confront it to move on and conquer it, and for most people- it's the hardest journey of our lives. When we tell people about it, we don't want sympathy, mourners, or overdramatic shows of affection. We want someone to agree with us and say "wow, life really sucks for you right now doesn't it?" Or "Look at all these hard things you are doing!" Validation is key to letting us know that you really care about us and that you value our perspective and experiences we choose to share with you.
I am very grateful for my family and friends who are supporting me along the way. I hope they will read this and remember these things in helping me overcome this difficult journey in my life. I also hope to be able to respond better to my friends and loved ones who are struggling by applying these principles in my life.
